Enduring Love

In 1981, we married in the small chapel at Sharpstown’s Gethsemane Methodist Church, in Houston. My childhood pastor and family friend, Rev. Keith Kellow, officiated. 

A few friends and family were in attendance. I remember it was a very stormy night, but the storm passed by the end of our ceremony. 

Ken was a single dad, his children were 10, 11 and 13. The five of us were at the altar together. When I said “I Do” it was to Ken and the kids, when they said “I Do” to me, my life beautifully changed, forever. 

We said our vows 73 days after our first date … 44 years ago, last January 12th. 

Honestly, almost everyone said it wouldn’t last, but when God joins two people together, statistical data does not apply.

Falling in love:

Science says endorphins and other hormones flood your body and cause a sense of extreme happiness, wellbeing and security when you are falling in love. For me, it was much more than hormones and feelings, it was the realization that the Creator of the Universe had handpicked another human being that was the perfect fit, for me. That truth is deep in my heart, even after all these years, when I look at my husband, joy still fills my heart. That original sense of security and wellbeing have grown even stronger over time.

Becoming a family: 

We married so quickly, there was much to learn about each other and the dynamics of my new readymade family.  

We were also brand new Christians.  Ken had said a sinner’s prayer with a television preacher, and experiencing an amazing conversion, before our first date.  I had a visitation by the Holy Ghost and surrendered my heart to Jesus about the same time.  

A wife, a new mother and a new Christian, all within a few months. When God moves suddenly, He also supplies the amazing grace needed to do all He has called us to do.  

Navigating the call on my life:

I embraced motherhood with both arms. I believed God called me to be the missing puzzle piece in the life of Ken and his 3 children.  I knew one day I would stand before God and be accountable for how I loved the man He had picked for me and how I loved the children I was assigned to love, mentor, teach and mother.  There was a learning curve, I missed the mark and made mistakes, but for every obstacle, God supplied the wisdom and grace to overcome.  

Releasing the grown children: 

Once children leave the nest, they are typically never completely comfortable in the home of their parents, ever again. Our oldest joined the Air Force directly out of high school. 

The next year, our middle daughter headed off to college.  I did not want the youngest to ever leave home, but truthfully we raised the children to be strong and independent, all three were ready to be adults, ready to fledge the nest and try their wings.

I however, was not ready to release them into adulthood. My heart was broken. I admit to spending time in their empty bedrooms, praying, crying and trying to accept the reality that our once busy home was changed forever.  That season of my life was beyond gratifying, the end was bittersweet. The next season was a new beginning. 

Empty Nest:

For the first time in our entire marriage, it was just the two of us. Ken took me on a little road trip, he said he had some things to discuss while we were driving. Over-thinker that I am, possible scenarios of this “discussion” were concerning me. Why did we have to take a trip? Why did he want to wait for the right time to talk?  How far down the road did I have to wait until he started talking?  

When he was ready, he told me he knew I was having difficulty with my purpose in life, now that the children were grown. He thanked me for unconditionally loving the kids. Then he told that being empty nesters could be a fresh start for us, an exciting new beginning.  He suggested selling our house and buying a house that suited this new chapter of our lives. 

He wanted us to enjoy the freedom that comes with finishing an assignment and moving to what’s next.  I never had felt more loved in my life.  We were now a team of two and we were going to walk hand in hand in an uncharted future, together. 

Enduring love: 

Years ago, I remember reading that a marriage is like a good pair of shoes. At first they are stiff, causing corns, callouses and blisters. If you don’t give up, those shoes conform to your feet and become your favorite shoes, because they are familiar, comfortable and beloved. 

Marriages that make it to “beloved” experience a joy, a comfort and a lifetime of years together that is as supernatural as God’s Love. 

Some of the ways I found that helped us find and keep enduring, forever love:   

#1: Only marry a man that loves you more than you love him. A man that pursues you, a man that can’t wait to make you his wife. A man that believes he is marrying up and that he got the very best when you said yes. 

I joke that if I ever left Ken, he would go with me. The truth is, he is my home, and there is no where I would ever want to go without him. 

#2: Be a cheerleader, choose his side. If you disagree with him, do it in private. 

#3: Even if he tells you that you are beautiful with no makeup and bed hair…don’t believe it! Take a few minutes to fix your hair and face. We get “fixed up” for friends and co-workers, we should look our best on a “stay home” Saturday night, too. 

#4: Find his key pet peeves and don’t do them!! 

If he hates: over spending, an empty sox drawer, always running late…we all know the things that drive our man crazy … just know that life is so much happier when you keep those things in mind and limit how often they happen.

 #5: Let him know he ranks second, only to God. Always kiss hello, goodbye and goodnight. 

When there are children in the home, encourage the kids to make a “big deal” about Dad coming home. Having an excited welcoming committee after a long day at work is a sweet reward. 

#6: Laugh together, have private jokes and pet names. Keep these things between the two of you, they are precious, sacred and never to be shared with others.

#7: There can only be one head of the household, don’t try to grab the pants.  Make decisions together, but trust his wisdom, stand by the decision, once it is made. If it was wrong, stand by him anyway … God will bless you for it, fix the situation and make it all work out.

Remember …  he who finds a wife, finds a good thing, and has favor from the Lord (Proverbs 18:22). 

We are our husband’s “good thing”, if he forgets…remind him!!!